(04/11/2017) Staring, i wonder what people think, why, why do i care, why can’t i just ignore them all, i find myself assessing why they do what they do, why they say the things they say, why they’re friends with their friends. I assess their emotional stability, why they have to dress like be like, hate like, say like, everyone else, what is this need to band wagon everything, why can’t we all be completely crazy, wear exactly what we think, say what we want, talk like we want. Instead you like a shirt because everyone posts about it, you need these shoes because everyone has them. I want to be different, but im not, i want to be special, i want to be unique, but one in 7 billion, one in the US, one in Oregon, do you think i’ll get anywhere, cause to me it isn’t clear if i ever want to leave, or is the thought of escaping my own self the only reason i want to leave, i want to grow, and come back stronger than ever, i want to be greater, great, better. But every second i lose hope, every second i get so mad, so angry, so much deeper into the hole i have created, to put all my pieces in.